Fear Is the Mind Killer

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

- Bene Gesserit’s Litany Against Fear in Dune

I’m often afraid and I’ll bet you are too.

As a small child, I had the usual share of bloody wounds. A wound didn’t scare me as much as taking off the Band-Aid bandage that protected the wound. The bandage would pull out arm or leg hair when it came off.  Whenever my mom decided it was time to change the bandage, I’d run and hide, but she’d find me anyway. I’d beg her to take off the bandage SLOWLY. She’d calmly explain that it hurts less to quickly pull off the bandage, but I didn’t believe her. I was afraid. She’d slowly remove the bandage and, as usual, it hurt. A few years later, I learned  she was right - it’s less painful to just tear off the bandage. Fear had kept me from doing the smart thing. It wouldn’t be the last time.

As the Bene Gesserit say, “Fear is the mind killer”. Fear is like a giant, green, fire breathing monster that catches us no matter how fast or where we run. Fear can distort our perceptions, thoughts, and actions. Fear can paralyze us or make us regretfully lash out at others. We all need help with our fears.

What’s your biggest fear right now?

Where Does Fear Come From?

Fear and its close cousin, anxiety, comes from our reaction to a perceived future threat. The list of future threats seems endless. To name a few, we may fear:

• Job loss
• Failure
• Rejection
• Flying
• New experiences
• Death
• Commitment

During extreme fear and anxiety, we may have Panic Attacks. We may develop Phobias that force us to avoid certain situations altogether.

We learn many of our fears through Fear Conditioning. For example, early in life, we may learn to fear spiders by observing a close relative become petrified by a spider crawling across the floor.

Responding To Fear

There’s no practical way to avoid all our fears, so we find ways to cope. I know three ways to respond to our fear: eliminate the threat, distract ourselves from our fear, or make friends with our fear.

Eliminate the Threat

One obvious response is to eliminate the the root cause of our fear. This is sometimes the best option. After all, fear has a biological imperative which is to keep us alive. If we walk into our kitchen and see the stove on fire, our natural reaction will be to put out the fire, call the fire department, or run out of the house screaming “FIRE”. In other words, we eliminate the fire threat.

If our fear is the result of an immediate, high probability, threat, then we must do whatever is necessary to avoid or eliminate the threat. It’s our only rational response.

Distract Ourselves From Our Fear

We can distract ourselves from fear by doing something else. Here are some of the more common distractions:

• Eat
• Exercise
• Watch television
• Shop
• Stay busy with trivia
• Have sex

All of these distractions are fine, unless we do them too much. For instance, too much

• eating makes us fat
• exercise injures us
• television turns our brains to mush

We must be careful our distractions don’t become obsessions. Distraction works well for small fears since a small fear only requires a small distraction.

Make Friends With Our Fear

It’s normal to feel fear. The problem is our reaction to fear, not the fear itself. We all want to stand on the firm ground of a certain future, but it’s impossible. If we can become comfortable with being groundless, much of our fear will disappear or at least be workable.

It’d help us to see our fears for what they are – just transient thoughts. The next time you feel a small fear, try the following exercise:

1. Sit down, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and relax.
2. Count your breaths. In, out, ONE…in, out, TWO…in, out, THREE…and so on up to ten. When you reach ten, start over again at one. Do this for a few minutes. Various thoughts may enter your mind, but just let them pass by without much notice. When you realize that you’ve been distracted and lost count, gently start over again at one.
3. Stop counting but still pay attention to the in and out of your breathing. More thoughts may enter your mind, but just watch the thoughts and return to your breathing. Try not to react to your thoughts.
4. Your fear will eventually enter your mind. When it does, gently see your fear and try not to react. Your fear will pass like any other thought. Refocus on your breathing.
5. Your fear may overwhelm you and that’s OK. If it does, go back to counting your breaths for awhile and then repeat steps three and four.

After you observe your fear several times, you’ll find it decreases in intensity. You’ll realize that it’s just another passing thought in a long parade of thoughts.

This exercise is difficult so you may have to repeat it many times before it works. With practice, you’ll become friends with your fear and feel less need to run away or be distracted. You’ll also be able to handle bigger fears.

How do you handle your fears?

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Tags: Anxiety, Fear, Meditation, Psychology