We all become aggravated sometimes. I’m often surprised by how aggravated I am over minor things. For instance, I’m aggravated by waiting in various lines: traffic lines, store checkout lines, movie ticket lines, and so on. I want the line to move faster. I’m also frustrated when people are late for meetings, phone calls, and dinner parties.
What aggravates or frustrates you? Lines? Noise? Slow service? Tardiness? Bad weather? Rudeness? How do you respond to your aggravation?
Since aggravation is itself aggravating, we need a skillful way to manage it and stay sane. I’ve developed a process to help you go from aggravated to relaxed in 158 seconds. The three step process involves identifying situations that aggravate you, recognizing when your in one of those aggravating situations, and calming yourself.
Step 1 - Identify Aggravating Situations
In the first step, you identify two or three common situations that aggravate you. Do this when you’re calm and relaxed so you’ll think objectively. Write down and memorize these aggravating situations. You must remember them so that you automatically recognize when they occur.
Step 2 - Recognize When You’re in One of Those Situations
In the second step, you recognize when you’re in one of the aggravating situations you identified in Step 1. This is difficult because your mind can be hijacked by your aggravating thoughts. But if, in a moment of clarity, you think “oh yeah, this is one of those aggravating situations I identified”, you can move to the next step.
Step 3 - Calm Yourself
In the third step, you consciously calm and relax yourself. You do this through a guided meditation that helps you become mindful. I’ve created a short meditation below you can use. I realize it’s difficult to read and follow the instructions at the same time, so I’ve also created a free MP3 file that you can play here or download:
Calm Yourself MP3 file (158 seconds)
Close your eyes or focus your eyes on one small point.
Take a deep, slow breath and feel the air move through your nostrils into your lungs.
Exhale through your nose and feel the air gradually leave your body.
Let your body relax.
Let your mind rest.
Take another deep breath and just let things be as they are.
Exhale and let go.
Just be.
Inhale and feel your breath.
Exhale and be at ease.
Smile.
Slowly open your eyes.
What do you see in this moment?
Slowly turn your head and see things as they really are.
This unique moment is all that exists.
Be a child seeing things for the very first time.
What do you hear?
Do you hear your breath?
Be present.
What do you smell?
Each moment is beautiful.
Each moment is precious.
Be here and now.
You can think of aggravation as an opportunity to become mindful. If you work hard, aggravating situations could be the best part of your day. 
How do you handle aggravation?
This is my first recording and I had fun creating it. Did the recording help you? Do you have any suggestions for improvement?
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Tags: Audio, Meditation, Mindfulness
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Hi Roger,
Since you live in the Philly area like me, you should consider taking the course offered at Jefferson Medical College on mindfulness. I will begin this course soon because one of my goals is to teach mindfulness. If you are interested, you can email me and I can send you the link to the program.
Back to your post, I used to be the kind of person who used to get aggravated quite easily, now nothing really bothers me. I do get upset but it hardly lasts and mindfulness really helps.
Also, another thing that helps, remembering that life is short. Why waste it on things that ultimately do not matter? It is all a matter of perspective. Yes, that is easier said than done but it can be done. Mindfulness really helps! I have been practicing it for 12 years now and it changed my life to the better!
Hi Roger,
Great post! I like the short and concise way you explain what to do. I find that just the first two steps - recognizing that I am in an aggravating situation, is often enough to dissipate the anger. I’ll add in the 3rd part too after reading this!
@Nadia,
I’ve only been practicing meditation for six months, so I think you are ahead of me.
Keeping things in perspective definitely helps.
@Daphne,
Good point that I wish I had mentioned. You often calm down just by recognizing that you are aggravated.
I love the MP3 Roger! It was so relaxing it nearly made me go to sleep.
Mindfulness can transform one’s life. From the outside it may just look like an interesting technique. But it can lead us to see deeply and to be fully alive.
Mary,
Thanks! I just discovered your blog and I like it.
Thanks for this Roger.
The most aggrevating thing for me are inconsiderate drivers. I used to get irate and beep the horn. But slowly I am converting myself to being more passive. I might just quietly swear at them, but in a soft (and quite funny) tone. Or I might raise my middle finger from the wheel, not that anybody can see it though. It is more of an afirmation that I have responded to them, but only I know. It seems to work for me.
Garry,
You’re welcome. Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
It sounds like your making great progress in handling anger and aggression. It’s hard for all.
i find that aggravations exist when we are rigidly set on something in particular happening, something other than what really is happening (i.e. if we’re driving somewhere and are highly intent on getting there in a certain fast time, we tend to decide that all other drivers and stoplights are nothing but annoyances and interruptions.)
but if we assume a flexible control at the outset — as in knowing that we will still get to our destination and so what if it takes 21 minutes instead of 19? — then we are less aggravated by those other drivers.
one way i’ve adapted to this easier mentality is to drive slower, not faster. i get on the highway, drive in the slow lane, set cruise somewhere around the speed limit and let everyone else blow by me in their typically urgent, aggravated states.
Adam,
Great idea!
I’m going to try driving slower to see how it impacts my attitude. I agree that it’s all about expectation.
I would like to have that mp3 on my desktop to listen to every morning - my aggravation levels have reached critical stages and this mantra is very helpful. How do I get the mp3 onto my desktop - when I click the “download” button, it just starts playing? Thank you.
Cheryl,re: saving the mp3 file -
If you “right-click” on the mp3 link, and select “Save Target As”, you will have the option of saving the file to your own computer (desktop, my documents… wherever you would like to save it).
http://acontentlife.com/wp-con.....urself.mp3