I’m so tired of exercising that I refuse to run another lap, pump another weight, crunch another ab, or stretch another hamstring. I’m done with exercise because exercise is for losers and I’m no loser.
I don’t care if exercise can increase the length and quality of my life. I prefer to die while I still look young and I only need enough strength to press buttons on my TV remote and mouse. Anyway, don’t we have drugs for diabetes, arthritis, heart disease, and other illnesses that can be mitigated with exercise and healthy eating? Taking pills is so much easier than exercising.
I don’t care if health care costs are climbing because people are too lazy to exercise. If everyone else can be lazy, so can I. Besides, insurance distributes the costs to everybody, right? I won’t have to pay higher insurance premiums because everyone else will subsidize my premiums. What a great system!
My goal is to become a 1,000 pound man. If I become a 1,000 pound man, people will wait on me constantly. I’ll be like a King! My wife already does most of the cooking, so she can bring me all the food I want. Also, once I’m 1,000 pounds, I’ll always have a good excuse to avoid things I don’t want to do.
I have big plans for the extra time I’ll have because I stopped exercising. If I’m lucky, I can use the time to watch my two favorite movies (Bloodsport and Roadhouse) over and over. If not, I can constructively spend my time browsing internet porn.
I hope you’ll join me in casting off exercise and become a winner. Let’s join our fat hands and declare Saturday, June 13th as National Sit On Your Ass Day!
I’m sure I missed other great advantages of not exercising. Can you think of any advantages?
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LOL. Good stuff, Roger! You missed the fact that you’ll never have to leave the house…because you won’t be able to. No more annoying dinners with the in-laws, or long walks on the beach, or playing in the park…
Jay,
Good points! As a result of always staying indoors, you also reduce your risk on skin cancer.
Haha, this is great. I loved it. There are so many great reasons to sit on your ass! Personally I hate sweating and, typically, you don’t do a lot of sweating when you’re just sitting on your ass. Hahaha
Hahaha.
Good luck on the 1000 pound man project. At least it’s an easily measurable goal.
Don’t forget all the extra free time you’ll have when you stop wasting it on exercise.
National Sit On Your Ass Day… now THAT is something worth celebrating!
I couldn’t spend the day sitting on my butt and doing nothing if you paid me… I’d have to be sedated. So I’m going to have to opt out of National Sit on Your Ass Day. Hopefully, those who participate will enjoy it!
I’ll be having fun cleaning my house, watering my garden, pulling weeds, harvesting tomatoes, possibly mowing the lawn & cleaning the garage. I was considering going to a pick-your-own blueberry farm, but we’ll see.
I wanted to go to a bike trail and ride, but it’s expected to be really hot & humid, so I might have to pass on that. In the evening I’m planning the daily 2 mile walk with my sweetie & our dog. Hopefully after that I’ll be calm enough to sit down and watch a movie - (& maybe the dog will be calmer too) LOL!
I’m just going to consider myself fortunate that I like being active, since I’ve got a busy life with lots to do.
You can have my share of pills for diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. - I don’t need ‘em and definitely don’t want to! I’ll just keep popping those vitamins instead and using the sunscreen…
@Postively Present: I agree…sweating is annoying. It’s easier to just relax and eat.
@David: I just hope I’m not setting my sites too low.
@Lisis: Yep…all the extra time is great for watching TV. I pay a flat fee for cable TV so I can watch as much as I want at no additional cost.
@Diane: Oh well. I guess I can’t convert everybody. Anyway, some people need to stay healthy so that they can care for the unhealthy people.
This is perfect!
I like this. I find it exhausting enough complaining about how I am not nearly active as I used to be. Sign me up.
National Sit On Your Ass Day - NSOYAD It’s not just a holiday, it is a lifestyle!
Sean,
I like were you’re going with this! Maybe we really need something like “Year of the Couch”.
Roger, that was freaking hilarious!
I agree with Diane, I won’t be participating either and there is no such thing as constructively watching porn. Do you have any daughters. Each female porn star is someone’s daughter. Think on that while your sitting on your fat ass!
@Stephen: Thanks!
@Tess: I don’t have any daughters, but I have lots of nieces. I agree with your point of view.
Took me a few minutes to work out if you were serious or not! I’m still not 100% sure … but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt!
Advantages
- save money on clothes (no running gear needed), soap (less showering) and save time changing in and out of clothes and washing.
- avoid looking like a complete idiot when you trip and fall flat on your face jogging down a busy street (as I did last year!)
- live longer because it’s been scientifically proven that we have a given number of heart beats in our life and exercising makes you use them up faster.
Why not take up smoking and drinking to excess while you’re at it? Then you add ’stinky breath’ to the ‘fat ass’?
Ian,
I’m not serious…this was my crude attempt at satire.
I like your list. I especially like the point of heart beats. You only have so many, so why waste them on sweating and exercise?
Steve Allen (comedian, for those of you too young to remember) used to say, “When I get the urge to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.” In my case, I only get the urge once or twice a year, so it’s not the kind of annoying problem it is for many people.
Dot,
I do remember Steve Allen and I love the line.