If you’ve been a regular reader of this blog, you know I’ve become a Buddhist. I find this difficult to admit because I’ve always been anti-religion. Most religions seemed to do more harm than good. They espouse a set of beliefs that cause some people to be intolerant, anti-science, and violent.
But my attitude began changing ten months ago when I picked up a book on Buddhism, Awakening the Buddha Within: Tibetan Wisdom for the Western World, and carefully read it.
Buddhism was different from any religion I’d previously encountered. The Buddha believed we all have One True Nature, but it’s obscured by thoughts, the busyness of life, and a misunderstanding of reality. His solution involved an Eightfold Path that contained Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration. He claimed that following this path leads to enlightenment and an end to suffering.
But what intrigued me the most was that he said his path was experiential. That you should not believe him just because he said it, but you should test the ideas to see if they worked for you. Huh? Where was the absolutism and dogma I’d seen in other religions? This seemed more like a scientific experiment than religion.
I decided to give this 2,500 year old Eightfold Path a try. What the heck? At least the guy admitted you should be skeptical. And wasn’t this advice more proven than the advice of most self-help books? (OK, I admit there are some useful self-help books, but the ratio of useful to useless is one in a thousand).
Part of the Eightfold path is Right Concentration which basically involves meditation. So I started meditating everyday. It was pretty cool. I could tell within a few months that my mind had changed. I was seeing things in a different way. I could often step outside my thoughts and watch myself thinking. (Please don’t ask me who was watching the thoughts because that opens up a whole thing about no-self and my head will start spinning like a top.)
I read many books on Buddhism, but after awhile, I began to feel stuck. The Buddha said that you should take refuge in the Buddha (the idea that you have one inside of you), the Dharma (the teachings of the Buddha), and the Sangha (the community of Buddhists). Most books argued that you need a Sangha and a Teacher. I had no Sangha, but I started attending some of the educational meetings of the Philadelphia Buddhist Association and met some fellow Buddhists. They seemed like a nice group of people that I could relate to.
Then I started walking to The Philadelphia Meditation Center and doing group meditation. Within the Center, I found other people who regularly meditate, so I no longer felt like a complete oddball. So I went there and it was nice, but there was still no teacher.
Finally, I discovered the Soji Zen Center which turns out to be an eleven minute drive from my house. I was nervous about Zen because it’s reputed to be a hardcore form of Buddhism. There’s not much touchy-feely, kumbaya activity. Zen is a back-to-basics movement that believes in LOTS of meditation. On the positive side, Zen teachers are authorized to teach only after years of rigorous training. This limits the number of fraudulent or incompetent teachers.
The first time I go to the Zen Center, I park across the street in a bank parking lot and start walking over. I see people streaming into this small storefront along a slightly rundown group of storefronts. I notice some people are wearing robes that look like something you see in a Kung Fu movie. I wonder what am I getting myself into. I mean I really like Kung Fu movies, but this looks a little cult-like to me. I figure I can always escape if the things get too crazy.
I walk inside the Zen Center and I’m surprised everything is neat and organized. The mediation cushions are perfectly aligned on a spotless hardwood floor. There are Japanese screens artfully located to create a beautiful boundary to the room. The altar with the Buddha is the fanciest I’ve ever seen. It sits on top of a tall, dark wood table. There are multiple levels with candles, flowers, incense, water, and, of course, the Buddha.
There are many people in the Kung Fu robes, but there are also many dressed like me. Most wear muted blacks and grays and look all Zenny. I say hello to a couple of people, pick a spot, and sit on a cushion. Eventually, one person starts banging this large, thick wooden board with a wooden mallet. I figure that must be a call to take your seat and start meditating.
Pretty soon, this guy enters the room and he has the fanciest robes of all. He must be the teacher. He walks around the room in a scripted way and bells start ringing. We all bow to the Buddha altar three times. Then thin books are passed out, we turn to page 4, and start chanting the Heart Sutra in a monotone. It sounds like my computer reading speech. I’ve only done loving-kindness chanting by myself, so I’m self-conscious. But it’s very structured and I’m fascinated by everything happening.
We sit down to start meditating for thirty minutes. We all face the wall so we’re not distracted. I barely meditate because another guy quietly enters the room and starts tapping people on the shoulder. Then a tiny bell periodically rings and somebody that was previously tapped quietly stands and walks to another room. They must be meeting with the teacher.
I found out later that this is called Dokusan and each student meets with the teacher to discuss his practice. The teacher may also assign Koans, which are short riddles designed to break logical discursive thought. The student may discuss a Koan or his meditation practice with the teacher depending on his circumstances.
I’m terrified the guy is going to tap me on the shoulder and then what do I say to the teacher? I’m nervous I’ll screw up or that the teacher might try Voodoo Magic on me. I pray he doesn’t ask me to snatch the pebble from his hand like the Master in the original Kung Fu TV series.
After thirty minutes, a Big Bowl Bell is struck three times. A wooden clapper sounds to signal the start of walking meditation. We all line up and slowly snake around the room in a pre-defined pattern. It’s cool because everybody is moving at exactly the same speed with the same posture. It feels oddly harmonious. The wooden clapper sounds again and we start walking faster. I’ve never done walking meditation this fast, but I’m just going with the flow. The wooden clapper sounds again, people put their hands in a prayer position, and then we stop at our seats.
We begin another thirty minute mediation session. This time we face each other. Now I can’t stop surreptitiously looking around the room to watch everybody else meditate. I study the robes more carefully. They’re long and layered. Some of the robes have something that looks like a bib.
I found out later that the bibs are Rakusus and signify that the wearer has taken the Zen Buddhist Precepts. This is list of principles that you agree to follow as part of an official ceremony. It’s also a commitment by your teacher to teach you and by you to learn from your teacher. It’s a big deal.
Anyway, another thirty minute meditation session goes by and we do more walking. Then we sit down for another thirty minute session, but it only lasts about twenty minutes before the Big Bowl Bell sounds three times. We stand and the teacher returns.
The teacher gives a ten minute talk that’s difficult for me to comprehend. (This youtube video shows my teacher giving a talk, but not the talk I heard that day.) I’m very distracted by the teacher and all the students. The talk ends and a few students ask questions.
We begin the closing ceremonies, do more bowing, and chant The Four Great Vows. The formal portion ends.
A guy in one of the robes stands to make announcements. Then another person talks about Work Practice tasks. Work Practice is when students clean and spruce up the Zen Center. No wonder the place looks so neat and tidy — they have an army of students performing maintenance. I leave because I’m a guest and I feel a urgent need to go outdoors, breath air, and make sure the universe still operates they way it did before I entered the Zen Center.
I go home and discuss the experience with my wife, Lisa. She asks “Are you going to go back?” I reply “I think so. It was weird, but it was a good kind of weird.” I felt a sense of connection with the others. Plus, I wonder what it would be like to meet the teacher.
I’ve been going back ever since.
It’s never too late to challenge long-held beliefs with new information.
P.S. I was sad to learn that David Carradine, the lead actor in the Kung Fu TV series, died yesterday. If you’re too young to remember the series, you may remember him as Bill in Kill Bill 1 and 2.
No related posts.
Tags: Meditation, Mindfulness, Open-mindedness, Zen
Subscribe via RSS feed
Subscribe via Email
Follow via Twitter
Thanks for this detailed account. I’m going to read that book. I don’t like organized religions either, but Buddhism seems to come closest to what I’ve come to believe. I wanted to attend a similar meditation group in D.C., but I can’t get there from work in time. So now I know what it would have been like if I had gone.
I like it that you were honest about your fears of Voodoo Magic and other things. So often we keep those things to ourselves, but I have the same kind of misgivings at those things.
This is amazing. I was converted to Buddhism myself a while back ago (well, I’m not strictly a Buddhist but I follow all their practices without locking myself in with a label, if that makes sense…) But I’ve always resisted going to a sangha for some reason. I’ve always wanted to do it solo. With this post I feel more ready to reach out.
Hi Roger,
Thanks for this personal, lightly humorous account. I almost keeled over when I read the line about you needing to get outdoors to check that the universe was functioning the same way it was when you went in! Hilarious.
Glad your ‘experiment’ yielded positive results. I’m very attracted to the Buddhist way of life too, though I wouldn’t call it a religion myself. I can almost reconcile being a ‘Buddhist Catholic’ one day!
Hi Roger:
I enjoyed reading about your first Zen experience. While I am Christian, I can identify with a good amount of Buddhism that I have read about. It has been a few years, but Phil Jackson (former coach of the Bulls and current Lakers coach) wrote a book called “Sacred Hoops” where he talks about bringing some of these Buddhist teachings to the championship Bulls team. He also wrote a little about combining Buddhism and Christianity, which was pretty enlightening.
I will have to go back and read your posts about meditation since I have been wanting to do more of this. I have had some great moments meditating in the past, but have never meditated regularly.
Hi Roger,
I loved this post and found myself laughing as I read it. It reminded me of my experiences when I first started studying Buddhism. You are in a for a great ride.
This is really awesome. Thank you for sharing your personal account with us. I love the line that you’ve put in bold at the end of the post. It’s so true. We often get so stuck in our beliefs that we don’t think it’s possible (or don’t want) to change. But it is. If we are open, we can experience new and wonderful things all of the time. Again, thank you for sharing this. It was great to read.
Thanks, Roger, for sharing more details about your experience. You’ve mentioned the Zen Master a couple of times and I was beginning to wonder what the whole experience was like for you. So, you read my mind.
Also, you reminded me of the Sylvia Boorstein book, “That’s Funny, You Don’t LOOK Buddhist” which I read (and loved) a long time ago. Good for you, for finding a path that feels right.
@Dot: Welcome! I hope you get as much value out of the book as I did. The meditation center practices vary greatly depending on the sect of Buddhism. My experience was only with Zen Buddhism. The other meditation center I visited was non-sectarian. I imagine the Tibetans have a different process.
@Albert: I hope you give group meditation a try. I was really nervous the first time I went. It gets much easier after you meet a few people in the group. If you can, start with a non-sectarian group which is basically just a group of people meditating together.
@Daphne: Your comment made me smile because you had exactly the reaction that I was hoping for.
Buddhism does not preclude being involved in other religions. In fact, I think there are some Catholic Priests that are also Buddhist.
@Tim: Welcome! My teacher also mentioned that some people combine Christianity and Buddhism. If you have any questions about meditation, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment or email me a question. I’m here to help.
@Nadia: I’m glad you liked it. I was hoping you would get a laugh. The ride is fun already and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
@Positively Present (aka Dani): I know I get stuck in beliefs without ever questioning the beliefs. I’m glad you liked the post.
@Lisis: It was a really interesting experience for me and I’m glad you now understand what it was like. So far, this path feels correct. BTW, My Zen teacher is actually a Sensei, rather than a Master. In Zen, a Master is actually called a Roshi which means old teacher.
Hi Roger,
Thanks for honestly putting this out there. I think that it helps to read about the experience of someone else in such a new environment. I’ve never actually gone to a zen center myself. I’ve studied much Zen and more traditional Buddhism over the years but have never actually made more than a half hearted attempt at meditation.
I also think that one of the best parts of Buddhism is that it is experiential. The very fact that the Buddha said to not believe him because he said so, rather do it and see for yourself.
Thanks for sharing your Buddhism baby steps with us!
Sean,
I made several aborted attempts at meditation over the years before I finally succeeded in meditating consistently. I hope you decide to try again because it’s rewarding.
Yeah…I was pretty surprised that Buddhism was experiential. I don’t know of any other religion like this. So far, I like the experience.
Roger,
Awakening the Buddha Within was not my first book on Buddhism, but it is definitely one of my favorites. I agree that it is a great first read. It makes Buddhism sound so compelling, so easy to understand and yet so complex.
That’s a great description of your first visit to the Zen Center. My first to a Buddhist center was about as mystifying. Thankfully, I met someone there and had a little clue. But the teacher was Tibetan, and I understood so little of what he said! It touched me, though. I’m glad I stuck with it, even if intermittently. Even when I am not meditating and studying regularly, I still feel a pervasive positive influence from my Buddhist experiences.
Ann Elise,
I was just lucky to find the book. It’s one of the few Buddhism books that I’ve read twice.
Fortunately, my Zen teacher is an American, so there is no problem understanding the words. The problem is that I sometimes don’t understand the meaning of his sentences.
I say a Tibetan Buddhist speak once and still had trouble understanding the sentences, but I sensed his deep compassion.
Thank you for the detailed remembrance. Very cool! Some excellent book recommendations–Awakening the Buddha Within is one of my favorites as well. Along similar lines, I have found two books by Steve Hagen very helpful: Buddhism Plain and Simple, and Buddhism Is Not What You Think. Not only good introductions, but good reminders.
Donnell,
Welcome!
I’ve heard of the Steve Hagen books before, but never really looked closely. I’ll take a look at them in Borders (if they’re there), but my Zen teacher has requested that I stop reading books for awhile. He want me to do more meditating and less reading.
Hi Roger
I found this very informative. So much so, that it explained several things that were a mystery to me at the week long Zen retreat I went on at the start of the year (with Genpo Roshi and 350 others!).
I’m not ‘a Buddhist’ nor any intention of subscribing to any religion .. but for sure Buddhism is very close to how I see the world. Thanks again for an ‘enlightening’ post (haha!).
Ian,
I’m glad you found it useful.
It must have been interesting to go on a Zen retreat. I plan on working my way up to that because it usually involves 5 to 10 hours of meditation everyday.
Many people see Buddhism more as a philosophy than as a religion. That’s how I used to see it until I became more involved.
Thanks, Roger! And the advice about not reading so many Zen books makes sense. After all, eating a meal is more satisfying than reading a cookbook.
More generally: I notice some thinking, explicit or implied, among commenters about the whole “identifying as a Buddhist” thing. I can’t remember where I read it, so I can’t give proper credit, but somewhere I read a writer who said he didn’t identify himself as a Buddhist, since that implied a “self” with ongoing existence, etc. Rather, he simply said of himself, “I follow Dharma.” It strikes me as a useful distinction, especially since it predated the Dharma & Greg TV show.
Donnell,
You’re welcome! I think the advice makes sense also which is why I’m following it.
Thanks for bringing up the point about Buddhist versus Dharma. It may be a useful distinction. My teacher points out that people often over-intellectualize Buddhism when it really is beyond thought. The term he uses is country club Zen. But I really have no idea how a realized person things about his or her relationship with the Dharma, so you could be right.